BEAUTY AND VALUE

I was scrolling through Instagram and I saw a post that said ‘“Stop comparing yourself to others. Flowers are pretty but so are sunsets and they look nothing alike” and I was wondering why do we have to be pretty to be valuable?

I have always had a complicated relationship with beauty. In some ways, I have never performed some conventional standards of beauty, which absolutely drives my parents insane (Sorry Mummy and Daddy, lol). I think I have always been a nerd. More concerned with books than being seen as the most beautiful girl. This is not a “not like other girls” essay. I have written my defense of “feminine things” which you can read here.

I think femininity requires a lot of work and is not more frivolous than masculinity whatever my criticism of gender may be.

Anyway, back to the topic. In some ways, I didn’t care about beauty, in other ways I did. When I was in secondary school, I used to have bad acne problems that really bothered me. I kind of became skincare obsessed before the skincare trend. I probably was doing something wrong considering I didn’t research any product I used and it didn’t work. I have also had a complicated relationship with my body in relation to fatness. I have always had what I currently call an irrational fear of being fat. Having a big tummy was like an earth-shattering thing as far as I was concerned. It made me have a complicated relationship with food. Not saying I had an eating disorder but diet culture was definitely holding my throat in some ways.

I had mostly “unlearnt” a lot of my connections to diet culture and other beauty standards that I was still clinging to when I became a fresh adult or I thought I did. I was forced to confront my perception of beauty and body. This fear didn’t even have anything to do with my health because God knows I was feeling much better. However, I was worried about how I would be treated by other people and in some ways I was/am right. Recent events have made me ask, do we have to be beautiful to be valuable?

Going back to the quote that started this essay, all I was able to think about is why do you have to be the sunshine or the flower? I know this may sound harsh but what happens if you aren’t a flower or a sunshine? Why can’t you be the soil or the worms? I know the quote is well-intentioned but I think it is still participating in the system because most of us aren’t flowers and sunshine. There would not be a “beauty standard” if we were all societally “beautiful”. 

When a fat/disabled/not conventionally attractive posts their picture or video online, they are bombarded with a lot of “you are pretty” comments. Those comments usually come as a reassurance of some sort especially when said person is being bullied for not being pretty. Now, this is not me saying people who don’t fit into beauty standards aren’t pretty or that we should just watch as someone gets pilled on. I just don’t think the way to address someone undervaluing a person through beauty is to reinforce that they are beautiful and thus valuable. We need to divest from the need to be “beautiful”.

It is fine if you aren’t pretty. At the end of the day, our value should not be determined by how we look. We don’t have to be rainbows, flowers, and sunshine to have value. We can be the soil, worms, and stones and still be valuable. Besides, the primary role of flowers, sunshine, and rainbows in the world/ecosystem is not to be beautiful. That’s just how humans perceive them. Sunlight is meant for photosynthesis. Rainbows demonstrate refraction and total internal reflection of light through raindrops. Flowers carry out sexual reproduction in plants through the formation of male and female gametes. None of these things exist primarily to just be beautiful, that is just how humans mostly view them.

I know divesting from beauty is easier said than done. Even I, writing this essay, have had many moments where I feel like I would die if I am not considered beautiful. So don’t take this as me attacking you for wanting to be pretty. I very much understand that society treats you worse when you don’t fit beauty standards. This is just a long-winded way of saying your value isn’t tied to how beautiful you are.